February
Assignment for Appalachian Pen Writers - Monologue in a different voice from your own on Love.
Sadie Nussbaum, 60ish widow, living alone in a house on a
tree lined street in an old neighborhood. Nussbaum is a German name meaning
“nut tree” which gives us a clue that this sweet, charming lady is just a bit
eccentric in a lovely old fashioned way. Sadie always has advice for the
lovelorn, loves stray cats and cooking.
Fishing: The One that Got Away
By Debi Swim
Hello,
Estelle, is you? I have some news for you to hear. Good news, Estelle. I must tell you about my evening. It was so
interesting. I had just settled in for
watching Jessica Fletcher. I love that
woman Estelle, don’t you? She is so handsome and smart. Always, she catches the bad guy. Anyway, just as Jessica is about to come on,
my doorbell rings and there is a pretty young woman.
Yes, Estelle, late as it
was. Yes, Estelle, alone. I know, these young women, they won’t be guided by
common sense. They should be home taking care of dinner and children. But, what
you gonna do, they don’t listen.
She was
selling insurance. She said, “Good evening ma’am. I am from the Fitzroyal
Health and Life Co. I’d love to talk to you today about your insurance needs.”
So, I tell her,” come in, come in. Take
a load off. . Let me take your coat.” I give her my chair –it is comfy and has
a good light.
Oh, my,
Estelle, what a pretty girl she was. Then I told her I was going to get us some tea
and some nice cookies. I made your recipe, Estelle, and told the young woman
they were homemade cookies. Not the awful kind like from the grocer store
–cardboard, that’s what they sell in those fancy shmancy packages – cardboard
cookies. Bad for your digestion. ” Don’t ever give them to your poor husband,”
I said, “he’ll be up all night with the heartburn. My cookies are made with
good ingredients,” I said, “none of those preserving things that make food last
months-like cardboard.” Terrible, terrible.
You know
what she says, Estelle? She says, "No, thank you." “No?” I say, “No, tea? No cookies? You sure?” She just ate, Estelle, this late at night, she
just ate. “Oh” I said , “you just ate.
Well, looks to me it wouldn’t hurt you to have a cookie. Too thin. You girls
today, always worrying about skinny. “
“Estelle,
girls today, they don’t know that a man likes a little softness. It’s all hard
edges and mussels. My Charles use to say, “Sadie,” he’d say, “Sadie, you are
like a dumpling, warm and soft. I love my little potato dumpling.”
“What did
she say? You want to know, Estelle, what she says? She says, “I’d like to show
you some information about my company and how we can help you live more
securely. Now, look at these statistics…” that’s what she says. But, then,
Estelle, I noticed her hand. I said to her, “Excuse me, please, I hate to interrupt, but, I can’t help but notice… your left hand… no husband for you? No? Do you have a young man? No? No one?
You are not shtepping out with nobody? Listen to me young woman, I know
what I’m talking about. A man, a man is a good thing to have.
(Makes
sympathetic noises) Estelle, such a pretty girl. I told her, “You need a man. I
know you young women today-you are all independence and think men are not
needed but I tell you, a man, a man is a good thing to have. You get a good man
you don’t have cold feet no more. They are better than a hot water bottle.
Believe me; I know what I’m talking about.” That’s what I told her, Estelle.
What did she
say? Estelle, she acted offended, said, “Mrs. Nussbaum, I’m not here to talk
about my marital status. Let’s get back to the matter at hand. Do you have a
life insurance policy?
So, I told
her, Estelle. I told her, “Yes, Charlie
put everything in a nice metal box for me.
“Estelle, you know, my Charlie was so
thoughtful. Even should the house burn down, this little box will still be
safe. If I need help, Charlie said, I should go see Mr. Billings at the
bank.” Estelle, you know Mr. Billings?
No? Nice man. His son, Irving, nice young man but, too thin. I introduced him to my friend BeeBee’s
great-niece. What do you think? They hit it off right away. The sparkles flew,
as they say. Irving, nice boy, and this niece, married now and three children
already. Irving, filled out –looks good
now. That’s what marriage will do for you, Estelle – put some meat and potatoes on your bones. I
told that young woman that.
Estelle,
that is when I remembered Norman. Norman
Dinglewinder. I told her you, Estelle, you have a friend whose grandson is
visiting from Milwaukie. Nice, young man, I say. So, I told the young woman, “You would be
perfect together.”
Estelle, you told me his grandmother worries
so about him. Girls today, she said, are so forward. They throw themselves at a man’s head.” I
know, Estelle, what you gonna do? Today it is all skinny heels, flashy clothes
cut down to here, showing off what God doesn’t mean to show off. No mystery, no
smile sweetly, it’s all sexy, movie star stuff.
So, Estelle,
I told the young woman, “Believe me; I’m telling you, you will get more with a
nice piece of hot strudel than a shpikey highheel shoe. But, never mind,” I tell her. “Norman, what a
nice young man. Tell me where you can find such a man today? Owns his own
business. Left to him by his father, who
was left it by his father. What business
you say? Hand made, hand embroidered
hankerchiefs. Not those flimsy paper tissue thingys but real cotton and silk
and lace. Beautiful. Where you gonna find a man like that today?
Then, I say
to her, I say, “Now, you write down your name and phone on a piece of paper. I
will call Estelle, Estelle will call her friend, and her friend will tell the
boy to call you. Beautiful. All your
problems are solved. You will meet this nice young man; he will take one look
at your pretty face and be done in.”
Did I get her name and number, you want to know.
No Estelle, I don’t understand it. You
know what she said to me? She said, “Mrs. Nussbaum, a very wise woman once said,
“A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” “What is that, Estelle? What has a fish to do
with a bicycle? I’m afraid, this one isn’t for Norman. Well, goodnight Estelle. There are always more fish in the sea
